Saturday, May 7, 2011

Most disappointing night..

So tonight I had a really disappointing night tonight because I got myself all confident that I was gonna buy diapers for the first time tonight. I have bought diapers before but it was with a friend and we got them for a prank like I mentioned in a earlier post. So I had my money and I got into my car after work and headed out towards the local Walgreens around 11:30 PM. I asked a friend if Walgreens was still open this late and they said that it was open 24/7. Well turns out she was wrong so I got my self back together and headed down the street and went to the Harris Teeter to get my diapers there. I roll up to the front of Harris Teeter and its closed and locked up as well. So turns out that nothing stays open passed 11:00 around here.

The plan for me was to go in and buy a pack of Goodnites Briefs XL and if anyone asked questions I would just make up some excuse about using a prank and all. I had got my confidence up and I kept whispering to myself "The clerks don't care..the clerks don't care". I always get so nervous thinking that maybe by some terrible chance I will run into them and they will remember me. I think its just that I am really paranoid.

I am looking to buy them in two weekends when I have another late night at work and can make a trip to the store on the way home when no one will be in the store. However, this time I think I am going to go to Walmart and get them because I think they will not only be cheaper but they cashiers there see so many people in a day there is no way they would remember me in the least. Also I am thinking about buying a bottle and a pacifier. The ones I am looking at and really like right now are these:

Friday, May 6, 2011

What makes being a TB a struggle for me?

I would be lying to your face if I told you that being a TB has been a walk in the park for me. Being a TB for me is something that is safe, relaxing, and comfortable but also extremely stressful and depressing. The reason being is that as we all know a seventeen year old boy wearing and using diapers and childish paraphernalia does not mean the Social norm. I am forced to take part of myself and live with it in the shadows.

Binge and Purge Cycle
Most Teen Babies know what this is all too well because they have gone through it several times themselves. Basically what this is, is when a AB/TB/DL decides that for whatever reason they need to stop being just that and so they throw out all there stuff and stop communication with friends or communities that are related to being a AB/TB/DL. I personally go through this all the time and every single time within a month I just want to punch myself for doing it. I will get these guilty feelings like I need to stop being "weird" and get away from being a TB. I will close my forum accounts, lock my e-mails, delete my stories and pictures ive taken/written. I always come back to it and wish I hadn't done any of those things.

Lack of Support and Understanding
This is something that not just people related to AB/TB/DL deal with, its a struggle for people in all different topics from being gay to ideas. I find that the fact that I often don't have a stable group of supportive and accepting people that I really just cant stand to live as a Teen Baby because I have no one to talk to. People understanding and supporting me as a Teen Baby isn't going to happen overnight and honestly is very unlikely that it will ever happen but I will keep trying and maybe one day I will get lucky.

Hidden Life
I find that having to take a part of my life and hide it really kills me. I am not a super open person with people in my life generally but I like not having to hide my true personality.. unfortunately I have to do just that with being a teen baby because I would be labeled a freak or psychopath if I didnt. Having to hide that I am a teen baby has honestly almost driven me to suicide before because it is just so hard to do and its a high risk if I don't.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Introducing myself..

There is a lot about myself that I struggle with but by far the biggest struggle for me is that I am a Teen Baby. While a lot of people are unaware of what exactly that is, I assume that the majority of you reading know exactly what it is.

How I Became a Tb

This is a commonly asked question by a lot of people when you meet them, "What got you into diapers?". Well first off its important to recognize that I am not a diaper lover, I am a teen baby. So I don't like diapers just for their feel or that (while I do enjoy that), I like them because they make me feel safe, comfortable, and at ease. Back to the point, my journey into diapers started from a very young age, I was a bedwetter. When I say I was a bedwetter, I don't mean once or twice a week...I mean like every single night I would drench my PJ's and bed. Well around the age of 9 my mother got fed up with having to wash my sheets daily or at least change the sheets daily so she went out and bought me a pack of Goodnites "protective underpants". I told her that I was not a baby and didn't need diapers and that I wouldn't wear them. Well needless to say, at age 9 I didn't really get a choice so I did. They helped with keeping me dry but I felt so stupid and like a baby, so I only wore them sometimes. This kept on going until age 10 or 11 when I stopped wetting every night and started to wake up or hold it through the night.

From ages 11-13 I was in my golden age of not wetting the bed or anything. When I turned 13 or so, I started to notice that I was really interested in diaper commercials and products in the store. I couldn't keep my interests and eyes from them and started thinking that I really wanted to wear them and try them. So being a child of the modern age like I am, I went to Google. I started searching things like "Pre-teens who like to wear diapers", "Is it weird for a pre-teen/teen to want to wear diapers?", and things like that. Well I stumbled across websites like deekers (not a great first resource) and started to read up. I learned quickly that I was not alone but that I was definitely interested in a normal thing and that I needed to keep it secret. From there I made myself makeshift diapers out of tighty whiteys and paper towels and began to wear them and to pee in them. This was enough for awhile but I started to want to real thing so I started to explore ways to get them and or make them. I eventually stole a diaper from a 8 year old boy that I babysat who still wet the bed, and I still feel guilty about it today. I wore that diaper several times, not using it but wearing it for the feeling it gave me.

That summer I bought my first pack of diapers, sort of.... My friend came to visit for a two weeks during the summer and he wanted to play a prank on a friend so we bought a back of generic "sleep underwear" from a dollar general. These were simply white diapers that were labeled that way so kids didn't feel bad about wearing them. Well we used 1 or two for the prank and then we used another 2 while playing around. My friend to my surprise told me that we should put them on and pee in them, for no real reason just that he wanted to. So we did just that and then trashed them afterwards. It was a strange moment and my friend was definitely not a TB or DL just wanted to try it. With the remaining diapers I used them and kept them as long as I could.

From there I got assorted diaper for two along the way but I have always been too chicken to buy a pack myself.

What is this blog

Well this blog is going to be my expressing myself and my struggle with being a TB, along with me trying to communicate to others with similar interests. Those could be mommies, daddies, Adult babies, Teen babies, Big brothers, or Big sisters.

I will write about my progress as a TB, along with tips and hints that I find. It will also include stories and journal like entries from myself.